Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
