My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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