He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
