Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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