I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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