Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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