Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
