he shaved USA in his pubs
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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