It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
