So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
