You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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