with your own penis?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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