I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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