Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
