when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
