I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
