I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
