I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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