i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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