his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's shark week go big or go home
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
