she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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