At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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