Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
