I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
