i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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