did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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