if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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