forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
