i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
A+ Viking dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
