i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
