I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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