the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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