Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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