Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
