just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
