bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
