I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
