your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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