moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
