You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
a search helicopter?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
