ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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