He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
