Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
