Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
