Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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