I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
