Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
