I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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