piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
