i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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