I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
