Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
