I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
