Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
