Jerry, you need to find god
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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