Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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