hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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