I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
