so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
