I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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