i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
